Happy New Year! I know it's said a million times, but this year truly flew by. It was an interesting year to say the least. A year of many ups and downs, good times and hard times. Life definitely represented itself as being "life" this past year. However, no matter what, life goes on. One thing is for sure, even if you're encountering a time that makes you feel like it's impossible to get through, if you surround yourself with the right people, you'll always get through it. Number one in my life is my relationship with the Lord, but without my family and friends, this year would've been ten times worse than it was. My 2015 in a nutshell story may not be how you want to spend your next five minutes and I'm totally okay with that, but sometimes it's better just to write something down and then move on. So that's what I'm going to do, say goodbye to 2015 and hello to 2016.
Everyone told me 2015 was my year, it was my high school graduation year, and what 17 year old wouldn't be excited about that? The entire second semester of senior year, my mind was set on one thing, graduation. Of course in between all of that was the fun stuff like prom. However, as I sit here typing, like any other time I think about graduation, I realize that it's all kind of a blur. I remember the ceremony, but I don't remember the feelings or anything of that sort because I was numb. The weekend before graduation, we were given the news that my grandmother didn't have long to live. Anytime you lose a loved one it is an incredibly hard time, but this seemed especially hard because she was one of my two grandparents left, and my grandfather had severe Alzheimer's so in a sense she felt like she was all I had. Graduation was Thursday and she passed away Tuesday evening. I remember that day like it was yesterday, but everything else is foggy. At 17, having already witnessed two deaths can really take a toll on you. There's nothing that can shake that type of memory, but it's also part of why I chose my major as nursing because I found it so incredible to watch the human body work in its own natural ways.
I missed my last two days of senior year and high school altogether besides maybe a class or two the last day, but I honestly don't remember. The only thing running through my mind was how did this happen and making sure that my dad was okay. I lost my other grandmother years ago and so knowing that there will never be another day where you can talk to one of your grandmothers is a really hard pill to swallow. Grandparents have so much wisdom to share and there's no one else in the world that can compare. My grandmother was one very special lady and everyone who met her knew that, which is why I felt compelled to share my thoughts about her at her funeral. I graduated Thursday night, and I spoke at the funeral Friday morning. I never in my life thought I could get up and speak in front of a large audience, but when you're remembering someone you love, it's like everything else in the world disappears. Plus, like I mentioned earlier about surrounding yourself with the right people, as I got up to the microphone I looked into the audience and saw one of my best friends sitting in one of the back pews giving me the smile of encouragement that she knew I needed. With God, family, and good friends, you can get through anything.
Soon after this, I had my college orientation which was when everything settled in that I was weeks away from moving out. Now that's a scary thought when you're already emotionally vulnerable, but just like anything that's stressful or what seems to be scary at the moment, you just have to take a deep breath and relax. We definitely did the relaxing part when we took our family trip to Turks & Caicos to just get away from everything we had just been through. It was exactly what we needed, family time and some beautiful, crystal blue water.
Not too long after the trip, we were taken back into the reality of life again. My grandfather entered the last phase of Alzheimer's and we were told he had about 10-14 days to live. Within that time span, me and my best friends had planned to spend a whole day together just doing fun things like taking pictures and going to cool restaurants because we knew that in eleven days I was leaving for college. That morning, my friends were supposed to meet me at my house. Interestingly enough, I slept through my alarm and was woken by my mom telling me that one of my friends was already there so naturally I sprang up realizing I had overslept and needed to get ready asap. Unfortunately, my mom told me to sit back down and she broke the news to me that my grandfather had passed away that morning. I just sat there numb again. I had known that at some point it was coming, but I hadn't allowed myself to accept it. However, once again, with God, family, and good friends, you can get through anything. And boy did I need my friends that day.
There's no words to explain being 17 and losing your last two grandparents within 10 weeks of each other and attending the last funeral five days before moving away from home for the first time in your life. Those first couple weeks of college were extremely difficult. Watching my parents leave me at my dorm was nearly impossible. I was emotionally vulnerable and I knew they were hiding how much pain they were feeling just to help me out. When you're that emotionally vulnerable and you're in a new location, you have to make a decision for your life right there because otherwise people can get wrapped up in the wrong actions. Throughout everything that happened, my faith only deepened, and I knew that nothing within me had changed, I still had no desire to give into things that might make the pain go away. It's only temporary, and that's how I've always looked at anything like that. Even taking a Motrin for a headache, it's just masking the pain for a short period of time until it rubs off and you're back to reality.
I wrote about my first semester in a previous post so that pretty much takes over the last few months of 2015.
There's no doubt that relationships in life are a very difficult thing. I am truly blessed to have had my grandparents as role models for how they lived out their marriage. I can only only hope that one day I will have a marriage like theirs. It was love at first sight for my grandfather and he loved her until his very last breath. Over ten years with Alzheimer's and within ten weeks of my grandmother passing, he left to be with her the week of her 90th birthday. They couldn't be without each other, and there's nothing more reassuring than knowing that they're together again. Faith and family was what was important to them and they did an incredible job at living out those two things.
Always treat people with respect because you don't know what they're going through. Love your family and friends and make sure they know it. And remember, with God, family and good friends, you can get through anything. :)
Needless to say, I am so ready for this new year. Here's to the many new memories that are to come!
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